When I was a young girl with severe S.A.D, having friends actually sucked

My friends were nice. It wasn't their fault, but it was DESTROYING my self esteem and made me feel horrible. I prefer to not hang friends.

Seeing my friend easily have conversations while I struggled.

Once, me and a friend both applied for a job and got asked questions on the spot. I was really nervous and awkward. She was nervous but doesn't have social anxiety. The job only called her back.

Multiple times guys would come up and compliment my friend and flirt with them and complete ignore me. I'm not ugly (just average) but painfully shy.

Seeing someone you have a crush on speak to them and you're frozen.